The First Stages to Loving Self

Part 1 = the “I”

Loving self is the first stage to mental health and self confidence. Loving self is about accepting yourself as you are, that’s both positive and negative traits of self. We must also understand and tame  what the buddhist call, the monkey mind. This is the eternal chatter that goes on within ourselves. 

Let’s start with self, we have an individual self the ’I’ and a social self the ’me’. To feel comfortable in our skin we have to marry the two. So I will begin with the ‘I’, this is the private self that only you know. These are your “I” statements, as in “I am beautiful” or opposing statement “I am ugly”. “I am gay” or “I get angry / jealous”. These are all” “I statements that you can choose to share with others or not.

When you talk about self in terms of “I” how do you describe yourself to you and then to others. If these aren’t positive statements and beliefs about self then you need to change the conversation. Instead of concentrating on what you believe to be negatives about yourself start describing and talking about yourself only in positive terms. What do you love about yourself, what do you do well. 

Then your next step is accepting the traits in yourself that you perceive as negative and put them into a more positive light. 

So what do I mean by this, an example is “I’m fat / ugly”, change this to “I’m a beautiful person but I need to lose some weight” or “what do I need to do to feel better about myself”.

A bit like writing a reference, it is not acceptable or professional to only give negative comments no matter how bad that employee was. You have to find positives before laying into the negatives. Even when you are giving negatives you still need to put them in a professional manner.

So for instance you can not just say “she / he was always late” or “he / she is lazy”. 

You would have to come at it from a different angle e.g “she / he is a good team player but has a problem with time keeping” or “he / she is a good communicator but lacks motivation”. 

Did you see what I did there 🙂

This is no different when we talk about the self in “I” statements. So whenever critiquing the self think how you may do it in a reference. This ensures you have a certain amount of positivity when it comes to the self and changing behaviours and thoughts that restrict you.