Here at fighting fit studio I use fighting exercises and skills in my training programs. Not only does this help to improve fitness it also gives you practical tools that you can use in defence if ever needed.
At fighting fit studio you get an all round exercise program which includes Pad Workouts.
This kind of program is great for weight loss, but this is not your main focus. Improves speed, coordination and strength.
Predatory men – I have recently got back in the dating game and as a gay women in these times have been forced to use dating apps.
What I have been angered by is the amount of men who are on a lesbian dating apps, if this isn’t an example of predatory behaviour by men I don’t know what is.
Even though my bio explicitly states I’m not interested in men they still insist on contacting me and get offended when I tell them about themselves.
Some men even disguise themselves as women on these apps as friends have told me, what is that about??
I don’t believe women go on gay male sites and pretend to be men, correct me if I’m wrong.
These type of men are purposefully abusing women spaces in order to prey upon vulnerable women. This alone should show the the type of low level misogyny that goes on in our society as well as the disrespect and arrogance men have towards women. The fact that men do this shows the confidence they have around their abusive behaviour and no fear about being held to account for this predatory behaviour.
As for the dating apps, why aren’t you doing things to stop this abusive behaviour.
What makes you as a man think it’s acceptable to do things like ‘up skirting’. Touching women without their consent, rubbing up against them on the tube, etc.
These are not behaviours perpetrated by women but are regularly perpetrated by men. This is why I teach what I teach in order to give women some tools that might help them protect themselves in these situations, but women should not have these fears.
So here we are again having the same conversation about female security and the abuse women suffer on a daily basis. The statistics are rolled out again and we all looked shocked and disgusted and talk about change, yet nothing happens. I am so tired and angry of having this same conversation all through my life and fighting this issue on a constant daily basis.
Labour MP Jess Phillips reads out the names of women who die on a daily basis in the house of commons, she needs to be recognised for doing something productive.
But otherwise the usual faces are rolled out in the media and the usual stupid and inappropriat questions are asked which distracts from the issue.
“More young men die on the streets than women on a daily basis”, firstly what the f-ck does this have to do with the abuse and death rate of women. Secondly it is still mainly men doing the killing and thirdly this has nothing to do with the misogynistic abuse and killing of women that is rife in most if not all societies regardless of race and culture.
So women when asked these questions stop apologetically explaining why the killing and abusing of women thats systemic in our society has nothing to do with the killing of young men. These are two separate issues.
Instead ask the interviewer why the fuck they are linking this question to the daily death rate of women, like that fact makes it less important.
The other trope that is constantly rolled out is, “but not all men are abusers”, again getting women to apologise and justify and make men feel better again by having to say, “no not all men are abusers”. Feel better now men…..
Again another form of taking away and distracting from the issue that it is men that mainly kill other men and men are the misogynists that attack and abuse women on a daily basis, I’m not apologizing for saying that.
Women stop trying to make men feel better and start understanding your patriarchal beliefs and mindsets that keep you in the same position, so instead of holding your abusers to account you justify and mollycoddle them.
Get angry like the women who fought for female equality and voting and start demanding change in your life and what you see around you.
Stop justifying this shit for men, because this is what happens and is exactly why nothing changes.
Let’s be clear the reason why we don’t have bank robberies 3 times a week or women killing their abusive partners more regularly is because we have severe sentences for breaking these laws.
The question is why do we still not have those kind of severe sentences to protect our women and children
Why does the criminal justice system still insist on making sexual assault and rape laws against women so hard to prosecute.
Why do the police and criminal justice system still treat the women like their on trial.
We then look at the effort put in by the CPS to convict a woman like Caroline Flack of domestic violence but can’t manage to prosecute most men for the same abuses or get justice for the majority of women when it comes to rape cases.
I spent a lot of my childhood and adulthood angry and defensive. I learnt to externalise my pain rather than internalise it. This meant instead of being angry with self I would get angry with others, much to my own detriment.
People who I describe as wounded healers helped me find a better way of dealing with my pain and anger.
M & M is a prime example of a wounded teacher, his songs talk about his battle with ‘self’ & ‘Self’, the ‘I’ and the ‘me’. He is then able to put this battle in verse which not only helps him, but helps others relate to these themes of anger, depression and pain as well. This can give others the ability to recognise their own behaviours and hopefully encourage them to change or seek help.
Other singers I respect for this is Dave a UK rapper who talks about his mental health, his experiences of being black and growing up on a council estate, he deals with social and political frustrations of poverty and racism. I use examples of singers because I believe music is one of the most potent and accessible forms of art that crosses all boundaries and can cater to all tastes. This allows people to personalise their pain and to feel as well as understand their emotions and wounds that may be causing negative behaviours.
There are other artists such as 2 PAC, Bob Marley, Nina Simone, Marvin Gaye and Lauren Hill’s album ’This Miss Education of Lauren Hill’ are earlier examples of artists but M&M was the first artist who I could relate to on a personal level of anger and self destructive, non politically correct thoughts that he would express through music. While I acknowledge that the way these singers sometime express themselves can be offensive to some, I don’t have a problem with things that may offend as hopefully it can encourage people to think.
Not being someone who reads a lot, or considers them self an academic, I found other ways to educate myself when it comes to personal experience, I found people who I could relate to.
Don’t get me wrong education is important but a lot of books are written from theory and not personal knowledge or experience. An example of this would be a scientist writing their theory on drug addiction compared to someone who has personal experiences of the highs and lows of drug addiction.
I like to describe traumas in terms of wounds and scars, as like a wound you have to care for it to help it to heal and like any extensive wound it leaves a scar. Scars are the physical reminder of the damage caused, because although it heals it never goes away. The damage can also cause imbalance in the body, just like an emotional or mental scar and may need redressing later as some injuries can flare up every now and then but with care you can address the issue to relieve the pain and suffering and keep it from debilitating your life.
The bigger the injury the harder the work for rehabilitation, but as we’ve seen with people who use that healing process to help others heal (as in artists previously mentioned), they can appreciate their scars and injuries after healing as wounds that have made them stronger.
What it can also do is make you more aware or hyper sensitive to the behaviours that caused the pain and fear in the first place and observe it in others. Scars can also lead people to develop a victim or abusive mentality, but it can also encourage individuals to become a fighter of causes or healer of wounds.
Those who are ashamed of their scars try and hide them from the world which can cause internal conflict and shame and lead them to repeating the same negative behaviours, we see this in people for example who have been brought up in an abusive household and then go on to being in abusive relationships themselves.
For some they get angry every time they see their wound or have their scars pointed out to them and tend to hit out at the people who reflect or reveal their wounds. This type of individual can be in constant defence mode and feels the need to protect their wounds. This is done in one or two ways, abusing others or abusing self.
Wounded healers are needed because people and society can be unsupportive and judgemental and willing to condemn rather than understand and help change, I don’t believe anyone is born evil.
I brake it down into two groups, first being those trying to empathise and understand others, second, judging others without looking at the causes of someones behaviour. This doesn’t mean allowing or accepting abusive behaviours but having understanding and awareness of those behaviours so they can begin to be solved in individuals and overcome in society.
Sexually abusive behaviours and domestic violence which continue to flourish in the world are good examples of this. Societies as well as some individuals tend to blame the victims instead of properly discussing the abusers and why abusers of these crimes still perpetuate them today. Proper discussions or reasons for why these behaviours still exist are not properly dealt with in our societies, media, homes or laws.
#kungfufitness – Wanted to give a shout out to the ladies who have stuck with me for a while now. Since I started the group at the request of one of the mums who lived in the area I have seen women come and go. Not being an easy going trainer, I expect full commitment and am not someone who minces their words, some have found this difficult to contend with.
The ladies who have stuck it out have improved greatly from when they first started with me even though they only train once a week. Their commitment has shown improvement in fitness, skill and confidence. They train in all weathers without any complaints.
Originally they only came to improve their fitness levels and enjoyed meeting up as a group, but if I am going to teach kung fu as fitness I also wanted them to learn practical skills of defence as well, which they have done. So well done and thank you #kungfufit ladies.